As most of you know, Colonel Rebel has been issued his pink slip from the Ole Miss Rebel sports program up in Oxford, and the powers that be are searching for a replacement.
After reading the list of finalists, I had to stop and scratch my head. What are they smoking up there? The finalists are: a horse, a lion, a bear, a shark, and two Muppet like characters called Hotty and Toddy.
More than 13,000 students and alums voted in a poll, and one of these five will become the new Ole Miss Rebel mascot.
Personally I would rather not have a mascot at all, than to settle for one of these lame brain ideas. The horse makes zero sense. Besides, Colonel Rebel rode a horse, so it would probably be banned as well in another decade. The lion and bear make as much sense as the horse. How many lions and bears have you seen in our state?
A shark holds some possibilities since I heard someone spotted one on the Gulf Coast a few weeks ago – probably trying to escape the bath oil.
Don’t even get me started on Hotty and Toddy. I thought this was a joke perpetrated by my Mississippi State friends, but NEEWW, it is for real, and even seems to be a front runner! The idea is to have two Muppet-like characters roaming around the sidelines.
After giving the debacle a little thought, I think I’ve come up with the perfect solution…Tada – introducing the Rockin’ Rebels. Since the King of Rock was born a stone’s throw from Oxford, and half our student body majored in Rock and Roll, what could be more appropriate?!
The new Ole Miss ROCKIN’ REBEL will feature an Elvis Presley-like caricature who will roam the stadium, strumming his guitar and swiveling his hips.
The new mascot would lend itself well to the sale of items such as the black pompadorish Elvis Hair and little guitars to be strummed by the fans – much less obnoxious than a cowbell.
I even have a new fight song – It’s titled “Go Rockin’ Rebels” to be sung to the tune of Rockin’ Robin. Ya’ll all sing along with me.
They rock on the gridiron all day long
Hoppin' and a-boppin' and singing their song
All the little birdies in the SEC
Love to hear the Rebels go tweet tweet tweet.
Rockin' Rebels, tweet tweet tweet,
Rockin' Rebels' tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin' Rebels
'Cause we're really gonna rock tonight.
So, what do you think? It’s way better than a bear, lion, shark or heaven forbid, two cartoon characters named Hotty and Toddy.
Now, to whom do I submit this, and when do I collect my big fat check?
Emily Jones is a retired journalist who lives in Starkville, Mississippi. She edits a website for bouncing baby boomers facing retirement. She welcomes comments at www.deludeddiva.com .